Special Facility Cleaning Services
You create a fantastic mess. We clean it up.
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Special cleaning services for unique customers
At Clean Method, we believe there is no surface, site, location or lair that we cannot clean. That’s why we have trained a crack team of specialists who we keep in reserve for clients whose needs are most peculiar in nature. Each team member brings with them a unique set of cleaning skills and talents, and together they form Clean Method Prime.
Available to travel to any location within this world and beyond, our Clean Method Prime team provides cutting-edge cleaning services that can handle the most incredible states of chaos and disorder. At the same time, we know that many of our most special clients require the utmost in secrecy, so we guarantee 100% discretion. All we leave behind are great results. And all we take with us is the satisfaction of a job well done. From tidying up your wizardry school to cleaning your dinosaur zoo, we can do it all.
Though I would have personally sought out more humane disposal of some of the fellow visitors I encountered upon my first time at the factory, I do admit that Clean Method Prime does a very thorough job. That’s why I kept them on staff when I took over as factory owner.”
Whimsical Confectionery Factory Cleaning
You and your loyal factory employees are busy making the most scrumpdidilyumptious treats around. You don’t have time to clean every spill caused by unruly children getting stuck in your chocolate tubes. To keep your whimsical confectionery factory running, our Clean Method Prime team can fully integrate our detailed cleaning services into your schedule and specialized workforce.
Respecting that hygiene is a top concern throughout your facility, we pay special attention to disinfecting and sanitizing it of any and all unsanitary entities that may have entered through legitimate promotional purposes but now have been transformed into grotesqueries and have stayed well past their welcome.
Our onsite removal services include, but are not limited to:
- Bad eggs
- Taffy-stretched TV addicts
- Blueberry discharge
- Chocolate blobs
Mythical Agrarian Facility Cleaning
Let’s be frank. Horses produce tons of waste. As do goats, cattle and sheep. If you’ve got a kingdom’s worth of livestock in your giant, mythical agrarian facility, cleaning it out is a truly herculean task. To ensure your complete satisfaction, our elite team of special facility experts provides customized services attuned to your facility’s particular needs.
For jobs like yours, our Clean Method Prime team utilizes our patented RiverWashTM water rerouting technology, which involves syphoning off local water supplies to power-remove offensive animal waste, all in one day. Once all waste has been safely removed from your premises, we conduct a deep clean on all stables, sheds and hovels. Our stench-reducing chemical spray leaves behind a fresh and fragrant odor that your shepherds and stable boys will appreciate. After all, cleanliness is next to godliness.
Clean Method’s specialized team came to the job prepared. I myself hadn’t visited the stables in years due to the overwhelming stench. But in just one day, Clean Method Prime had rid the place of its foul reek, and now I count on them to keep all of my lands clean and germ-free. And for a price much lower than what most demi-gods charge!”
Dinosaur Cloning Facility and Zoo Cleaning
Today’s dinosaur cloning facilities and adjacent zoos are fascinating sites that require rigorous hygiene and health standards. To protect your assets, Clean Method Prime first conducts a full walk-through of your entire facility, identifying any potential trouble spots from a health and hygiene standpoint. Our continuous maintenance service ensures that your employees, visitors and dinosaurs can live, work and hunt under optimal conditions.
And while your special facility is responsible for incredible miracles of modern technology, accidents do happen. Nature finds a way. And when things go awry, Clean Method Prime will be there to eradicate any trace of what may have gone wrong while your scientists were busy pushing the boundaries of science and ethics. That way, you can reboot a new facility and continue with your important work.
Every time I end up back at a dinosaur cloning facility, I’m amazed to find myself there once again. Knowing the inherent dangers of these places, I have the utmost respect for the entire Clean Method Prime team and the job they do.”
Caped Crusader Headquarters Cleaning
In recent years, solitary fortresses and man caves have become popular havens for those heroes among us who need to get away from the daily grind and relax in comforting surroundings. But no one can truly feel at ease if their personal hideaway isn’t kept clean and fresh. Butlers and young wards don’t have the technical savvy to adequately disinfect, sanitize and clean the headquarters of today’s caped crusaders.
Clean Method Prime has the experience and the knowhow to deal with all sorts of dastardly situations that can spell doom to a caped crusader headquarters. Whether it’s removing bat guano from your cave, spray cleaning your costumes, or cleaning dust particles from your sensitive electronic tracking equipment, we take your worries away, so you can focus on crime fighting. Contact us by email, phone or specially designed spotlight, and we will answer the call with speed, power and the latest in germ-fighting technology.
My headquarters requires 100% discretion along with superior cleaning and a team’s solid belief in a clean and just world for all. For everything they do for me and my facility, Clean Method Prime’s team members really are my heroes.”
Secret Underground Lair Services
You’ve spent decades formulating your plans, developing astonishingly advanced technology, and building your impenetrable fortress. But the best laid plans can fall apart in an instant. Clean Method Prime is there for you when you need to restore order to your underground lair after any and all calamities that may have been caused by unexpected intruders.
No matter how far underground your lair may be, whether under a volcano or at the ocean’s floor, our specially equipped team members plumb the depths of your facility to get rid of every last shard of broken glass and every stray bullet casing. Expert at waste disposal, we remove the bodies of any henchmen or minions that might have been caught in the crossfire, and make sure you never have to think about them again.
Clean Method Prime did a great job of putting everything back in order at my father’s lair. And they did everything for a fair rate, which is rare in a world where most special cleaning services companies seem to be just a bunch of crooks.”
Unnamed Battle Group Cleaning Services
You don’t talk about it. That’s rule number one, and we respect that. But you can’t deny the mess that’s always left behind after your particular type of group gathering. Once the last combatant has awoken from the space on the floor where he was knocked out, our stealthy team of experts goes to work. With our patented Clean Method Prime technology, we remove every drop of blood, broken tooth, glob of mucus and spatter of spittle from every crack, corner and crevice of your facility to make sure it’s in perfect shape for the next group meet-up and beat-down.
We can also include our Day Porter services in our standard Unnamed Battle Group Cleaning Services package. With our day porters providing services during your meetings, your members can rest assured that they won’t slip on the bodily fluids of the last round’s combatants. After all, your wellbeing and safety are our top concern.
Just as ancient people found their clothes got cleaner if they washed them at a certain spot in the river, Clean Method Prime has the depth of knowledge to get things to a primordial state of clean.”
Abnormally Large Interstellar Weapon Cleaning
Your abnormally large interstellar weapon is more than just a planet-killing base from which you can exercise galactic domination. It’s your home. You need to keep your nearly two million military personnel, as well as hundreds of thousands of enhanced-technology robotic support staff, in perfect working condition at all times. It’s therefore vital that you assure a clean and healthy work and living environment for all, or else face a rebellion.
With a complete technical reading of the schematics of your battle station, our Clean Method Prime team can get into every ion cannon post and exhaust vent and make sure they’re clean and clear for your next combat encounter. We manage all onsite garbage mashers (also known as trash compactors) from a centralized platform, ensuring remote controlled recycling over the entire system.
I really don’t have time to talk about cleaning services. I’m sure they’re fine.”
Wizarding and Witchcraft School Cleaning
School should be a place of learning. Both your staff and the students who are trusted to your care need to know that their classrooms, bathrooms, dorm rooms and secret chambers have been sanitized and disinfected to ensure their health and wellbeing.
Clean Method Prime is practiced in all manner of cleaning and custodial services, having studied the works of a long line of wizards of the janitorial arts. With experience defending against dark arts-related attacks such as microbiallum spreadorum and insipidus moldum seepus, we wield our powers to protect your students and keep them safe—especially in cases where you and your teaching staff seem surprisingly unprepared for that very job.
Our beautiful, sprawling school and campus have been around for hundreds of years, so of course it’s a gargantuan task to keep it clean and safe from pestilent intrusion. We’ve trusted the Clean Method Prime team of professionals to keep us in a state of perpetual cleanliness ever since I can remember.”
No matter what your facility needs, our team is there for you
For eons, Clean Method’s CleanSweep team has been supporting an elite clientele with customized special facility cleaning services. Get in touch with us today to see how we can help you obtain a level of clean heretofore only seen in fiction.
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*While this Golden Ticket offer is real, none of the services on this page are. (Yet.)